Have you ever read Psalms? I love the Psalms! I’m currently reading through the book again and something really jumped out at me today. It’s so cool! But first…
I’m a roller coaster. Really… I go up, way up, and down, way down. For days I will praise Jesus and feel so close to Him, in awe of everything He is doing… and then, I can spend the next few days questioning things, doubting, bringing my doubts to Him and sharing on here even where I’m struggling and what I’m having trouble with.
And then, I’m back to praising Jesus and sharing the amazing things He is doing in my life!
Sometimes I wonder, “What is it like to read my blog? What do people think when they see this?” I’ve spoken to my friends about it – how I am legit a roller coaster. I question myself! How can I be so in love with God some days and so dark other days?
One good thing – I have learned to seek Jesus in the dark days. Sometimes that means I just tell Him that I’m sad. Sometimes I hurl my questions at Him. Sometimes my heart is in anguish, but I bring it to Him. Sometimes I flat out have told God, “I don’t like You very much at the moment. Where are You and why aren’t You here helping?” I feel uneasy even sharing that… but then, God knows what I’m thinking before I even voice it to Him… and He loves me anyways.
He’d rather hear all of that from us than from us to turn from Him because of it.
But I digress.
I’ve wondered if it’s normal to be like this. Although, I’d hate to be called normal. 🙂
It’s OK. It’s who I am and God and I have dealt with it. He loves me as I am. Passionate in my joy and just as passionate in my questions and search for answers. My highs are high and my lows are low. As long as I bring it all to Jesus, it’s all good. I’m allowed to be who I am. I am loved for who I am.
So back to the Psalms.
David wrote many of the Psalms – I looked it up, about 73 of them! David was the King of Israel and look what God says of him:
After removing him, God raised up David to be king, for God said of him, ‘I have found in David, son of Jesse, a man who always pursues my heart and will accomplish all that I have destined him to do.’Acts 13:22 TPT
David was a man who was after God’s heart. He was a man who would accomplish the things that God had destined him to do. So powerful! I want to be a woman after God’s heart, accomplishing all that God has destined for me to do!
So here’s what God shared with me today – David was a roller coaster! Seriously! His highs were highs, his lows were low. And he cried out to God from both his highs and lows! If you read the Psalms that he wrote, you see him praising God with all his heart and also questioning God passionately! He was both, too!
Listen to one of his low moments from Psalms 6:
1-2 Please, God, no more yelling,
no more trips to the woodshed.
Treat me nice for a change;
I’m so starved for affection.
2-3 Can’t you see I’m black-and-blue,
beaten up badly in bones and soul?
God, how long will it take
for you to let up?
4-5 Break in, God, and break up this fight;
if you love me at all, get me out of here.
I’m no good to you dead, am I?
I can’t sing in your choir if I’m buried in some tomb!
6-7 I’m tired of all this—so tired. My bed
has been floating forty days and nights
On the flood of my tears.
My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears.
He is in a dark place. The emotion and passion he pours out here for God’s answer, for God to step in. I can feel it. “If you love me at all, get me out of here.” David was a man after God’s heart. He knew that God loved him, but there were times it didn’t feel like it. And he poured it all out to God. He held nothing back.
And other times his praise was just as fierce and passionate. Hear this from Psalm 9:
1-2 I’m thanking you, God, from a full heart,
I’m writing the book on your wonders.
I’m whistling, laughing, and jumping for joy;
I’m singing your song, High God.
And from Psalm 18:
1-2 I love you, God—
you make me strong.
God is bedrock under my feet,
the castle in which I live,
my rescuing knight.
My God—the high crag
where I run for dear life,
hiding behind the boulders,
safe in the granite hideout.
3 I sing to God, the Praise-Lofty,
and find myself safe and saved.
The Psalms are full of both – Davids’s praise and David’s groaning. His love for God and his questions for God. His joy and his anguish.
And what an example to us.
We can be a rollercoaster without worry.
We can praise God and be joyful and in awe of Him at times and other times be confused and crying out with our questions and our hurt and confusion. God wants to hear it all. He wants us to bring everything to Him, good and bad, highs and lows. It doesn’t bother Him that we are a roller coaster of emotions – He made us this way!
Are you basking in joy and awe of our Father God? Tell Him! Sing to Him! Share!
Are you sitting in confusion, fear, and doubt? Tell Him! Talk to Him about it. Ask Him the questions swirling in your anxious mind.
Are you overcome with sadness? Share your grief with God. He cares and He is sad that you are sad. He can bring peace.
Do you run through all of these emotions in the course of a day? An hour? That’s OK, too. Keep sharing it with God – all of it! He wants to be in all the moments with us. He wants to be the one we turn to, talk to, cry to, adore, and love.
I truly love that God gave us the Psalms. That He gave us an example that clearly shows we can be people after God’s heart and still have and live in all the emotions that come with humanity. I love that He shows us in Psalms it’s more than Ok to bring it all to Him, the good, bad, and ugly.
Father God, thank you for loving us so much. Thank you for giving us a place to come with all of our emotions. Thank you that we can share our questions, doubts, fears, and sadness with You and You hear us and care and understand. Thank you that we can praise and worship You with the same breath, same heart, same mouth. We love You, God! Remind us to bring it all to You because there is no one who understands and loves us more than You do. In Jesus name, Amen!