So, things got good today. Good and interesting and real.
Last Sunday, I went forward to be prayed over. I have a block in my spirit, something holding me back. I am struggling with anxiety and unrest. I prayed to forgive others who have hurt me in the past. I prayed for a fresh touch of the Holy Spirit. I’ve prayed all week. I wrote a blog post saying that I choose to worship God and continue even though I feel empty and dark.
The last two days have not been as dark, but I didn’t really have any answers either.
Today in church, it was mentioned that if you need something or other, you can go to the hallway to the side. My friend had told me about it, too, but to be honest, I had no idea what it was or what I was getting myself into. I just knew I needed to go.
So I walked over to a lady standing in front of some curtains and she asked for my name. I told her and she wrote it down and said it starts soon. Confusion on my part. What starts soon? What’s going on? What will happen? Who is going to be there behind the curtain hidden like the Wizard of Oz?
She gave me a paper to read over but I barely had time before she said I could go in. I hurriedly texted my friend who was picking up my daughter and was like this takes about 15 minutes, see ya soon. While thinking what takes 15 minutes? I had no idea…
I walked in and was directed to sit at table 2 with three people. I took a deep breath and sat down. I knew from the slip of paper that I could record what was about to happen so I set my phone on the table.
They introduced themselves to me. They were a prophetic team. They said they were going to pray for a few minutes quietly and ask God to speak through them. To speak through them, to me, words that were just for me. They only asked my name – nothing else. And then they prayed.
I thought I might as well pray too. So I closed my eyes and prayed that God would speak to me and minister to me through these people.
And he did.
I heard the Lord saying reconcile. We are ministers of reconciliation but this was more like sending you to reconcile, that you’ve been in places in the middle with people but the Lord is showing me that you are in those places because you have that gift, that grace from Him, to reconcile people.Person One
I’m going to skip person two for just a minute…
I heard a word “piercing the darkness” and then I saw darkness and I saw like an arrow that was pure light and it came in and pierced your heart and it went to the heart of the matter and the light came in and I thought that was really interesting about reconciliation and that there was a need for reconciliation. That there were some hurts that had been hurting your heart but the Lord’s arrow of love and light and truth were coming in to heal the wound that’s in your heart form someone that has harmed you. And in fact the Lord is giving you clues today right now on your journey of that reconciliation. So Yes you have an anointing to be a reconciler but you also need reconciliation and the Lord wants to heal the wound in your heart.Person Three
The first words I spoke after listening were “Can I ask questions?” lol! Yes, that’s me. Always with the questions. Then it went like this:
Me, very concerned – Do I need to reconcile with my husband? With my past?
3 – No… Reconcile with the Lord
1 – and you will overflow.
We talked some more and I left feeling like God had given me a gift. I didn’t fully understand it yet, but I knew God had spoken something powerful over me. My thoughts on reconciliation were that it means to make amends with someone and put things right in a relationship. But even as I thought that I knew God was saying something else.
The day was busy but when I got home, I got out my computer and started to research. What is reconciliation?
But it isn’t those definitions that God had for me.
Look at these variations of the same meaning (definition 2) for reconciliation:
You see, God has things that He says about me. Things He believes about me. And they are not compatible with the things I think and believe about myself. We have opposing beliefs and ideas.
God says I am loved… at the core, I believe that I am unloveable.
God says I am worthy… I struggle with feelings of unworthiness.
God says I belong... I say I never fully fit in.
God says I am beautiful… I see myself as undesirable.
So, do I need reconciliation with God? The answer is a resounding yes. I need to reconcile the lies that I have believed for so long with the truth of who I am in Jesus. I need that arrow of light to pierce the heart of the matter – my own core beliefs. It’s time to let go of the lies I was told and believed and reconcile my thoughts so they align with God’s thoughts. I need to make my thoughts compatible with God’s thoughts. I need to agree with God on who I am and what He has for me. I absolutely need reconciliation with my Father God.
And when I reconcile with God… when I get where I need and want to be… Then I can fulfill an anointing to be a reconciler – someone who helps others reconcile their thoughts with God! Someone who helps other women (nothing against the boys here, I just feel my heart is primarily with helping women) but someone who helps women align their beliefs and thoughts with what God says about them, With who THEY are in Jesus, too.
And that… that is not new. I have had a desire in my heart for years now to help women. To encourage women. To lead women to Jesus and closer to Jesus. To help women fight the lies they cling to and believe the truth of what God says about them. It’s the reason I started this blog. It’s the reason I write. To be vulnerable enough with women to say, “See, here I am in all its ugliness” which in turn says “You are not alone and if I can get through this, then you can too.”
There was a second person sitting at that table which I skipped for now – only because this post is long enough as it is. My next post will be about what he had to say to me and how it ties into everything the other two ladies spoke into me, too!
May you have a beautiful and restful Sunday night. With love, my friends!