When victory’s due, I help you.

God also says, “When the time’s ripe, I answer you. When victory’s due, I help you.”

Isaiah 49:8

My victory is due and God is here to help me battle and win.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Historically, it’s been a rough month for me and this year is no exception. However, in addition to the normal October isn’t great-ness, I have been spiritually attacked. I wrote last week about spiritual battles and it’s coming straight from my personal life.

People from my past. Nightmares. Unwanted memories pushing back to the forefront. Triggers coming left and right. I guess I should mention that I was in a marriage of domestic violence, for those of you who don’t know my story. I did a whole series of 8 posts titled #1thing on it two years ago as a way to help others understand what domestic violence really looks like in all it’s ugly facets. It’s not just physical. You can see the start of it here: #1Thing: Post 1

This month is a little different. This month, the darkness I never wanted to deal with is rising up. The things I couldn’t face before. And although I still want to push it back down and pretend it doesn’t exist, I’m not going to. God is calling me to battle. It’s time to face these demons head on and with God’s help get victory over them and the past.

What does that look like?

1. For me, it’s starting with prayer. Telling Jesus everything I’m thinking – the good, the bad, and the ugly and asking for Him to protect me, guide me, and help me through these moments.
2. There’s also lots of praise and worship music going on. The enemy cannot coincide with our praise and worship.
3. I’ve been reaching out to friends. Letting them know that at the moment, I am not ok. Receiving their support and love and thankful I have some people to talk it out with.
4. This one is crazy… I normally avoid any kind of tv/movies that involve crime, domestic violence, negative things. I will vehemently tell you that the world has enough evil in it, I’ve seen enough of it first hand, that I don’t need to watch it for entertainment. And yet, God led me to a show called Maid. It’s about a woman who walks away from domestic violence. It’s her story. And I decided to watch it. I decided to stare the ugliness in the face and feel the feelings and work through them. As a side note, so far it’s excellent. It shows different facets of domestic violence, how it looks different for different people, what it can be, and there’s lots of good information in it as well. Much of it parallels my story – the things she went through, the court cases, the feelings. One huge difference that I’m so thankful for, though, is I always had my family and friends to count on and help me. It breaks my heart that so many women face it alone. So, yes, this is helping me process. Maybe I’ll write a separate post on that alone when I finish the series.
5. And lastly, and this one is so important, I’ve reached out to a counselor that specializes in what I need. It was hard to dial the number. I’ve been through counseling before, years in fact, but still this will be a new counselor and I will be dealing with new things. And, I absolutely hate making phone calls. But I called, I asked, and I have an appointment today with a strong Christian counselor recommended by a friend.
6. Ok, one more… I’m talking about what happened. When darkness is brought to the light, it loses it’s power. I can share what I’ve been through, and I am still loved. Still worthy. And I am healing.

Why am I sharing this?? I. don’t. know. God told me to. Which means someone, somewhere is going to read this who needs to read it. Someone is hurting. Someone is facing some past hurts of some kind. Someone has some demons of their own they are ready to break free from. Perhaps someone has been through domestic violence and needs hope or a starting point. Someone will read this and be helped or encouraged or led to take their hurts to prayer, to a friend, to a counselor.

That’s why I share. To help others. Even when it feels yucky to me.

It’s a Tuesday, friends.