I don’t, He does

My daughter is struggling again with health. We thought the Celiac disease would be the answer – and of course it is AN answer, but not the only one. Something else is going on too and I have no idea what it is. Her stomach issues are out of control again, she’s in pain, fear is abounding and I. Don’t. Know. What. To. Do.

In October, we started seeing some issues again. November was a little bit worse and December has been out of control. I feel hopeless, confused, frustrated, and in need of answers. I made many phone calls during Winter Break and she sees her specialist doctor again in three days. Another doctor she needs – well she was put on a six month wait list. Six. Months. If you could pray that she gets in much sooner, I would so much appreciate it. God can get her in sooner, I know that, but hearing six months is so defeating.

On New Year’s Eve, I knew something specific was off and had a hunch and yesterday (New Year’s Day) it was confirmed that she has some sort of UTI. Picked up antibiotics this morning so at least that should be helped but it seems like things keep piling on my punkin. She’s only 9, friends. She’s been through a lot.

For weeks now, I have been saying over and over again, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.” Defeated, dejected, hopeless, frustrated while trying, TRYING, to stay positive for my punkin who is beginning to wonder if it’s her fault.

Last night, I woke up multiple times worrying.

And I realized I needed to change my script.

It’s true I have no idea what to do. I feel like I am blinding walking through these struggles, grasping and whatever I can, taking whatever the next step is but completely clueless as to the answers.

But God. God does know the answers, the steps, and what to do. When will He tell me? I don’t know. But I need to change my script. Instead of saying “I don’t know what to do” all night long as I woke up, I started saying “Jesus, please show me what to do. Jesus, please show me what to do.”

And that’s really all I’ve got to share today. No answers came bursting from the sky. Just an awareness, again, that I need to start living life with much less of me, and much more of Him. Rather than have the focus on “I” and “I don’t know what to do,” I’d rather call out to Jesus and ask him to guide us, get us to the right doctors at the right time and give us the answers.

I can’t do it.

God can. Thank you, Jesus.

So everytime I think or say or start to think/say “I don’t know what to do,” I’m going to take it off of me and put it on Jesus. Jesus, You know. Please show me what to do.

Happy New Year, Friends. May God bless and give us all answers this year!