I turn 40 in one week.
Lordy, lordy, look who’s forty.
I used to think that was sooo funny as a kid. And also impossibly old. Look at me now!
I have been, let’s say, apprehensive about turning 40 most of this year and then I decided to embrace it. I decided my 40’s are going to be way better than my 30’s! The number still sounds intimidating to me, but I’m going to go with it and take it in stride and what’s another word for embrace? cue thesaurus.. seize it!
I am 40, hear me roar! (Well, in a week, anyway.)
So coronavirus kinda took the fun out of planning any big 40th get together. Tentative plans for a beach getaway to invite friends over – cancelled. My Disney trip – cancelled. (Two of my favorite things are Disney and the beach – July was going to be sooo good.) My bestie is picking up her new Goldendoodle in Georgia on my birthday so we are celebrating the weekend after (which isn’t what most people do anyway? Celebrate on the weekend?) On a whim, I decided to invite a few friends to maybe do an escape room and dinner at Carrabas and they are either working or quarantining themselves due to the huge spike in Covid-19 cases – and I can’t blame them. It’s ridiculous here in Florida.
Here is the craziest thing. Please don’t judge, at least until I explain.
I broke down crying this morning. Tears just rolling down my cheeks. I was chatting through messenger with two of my friends and to one of them I said “I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I’m a hot mess ball of emotions. Apparently being alone on my birthday sucks more than I thought it would.”
Here’s the thing about having a best friend, in tune with God, ready to speak truth into you when you’re succumbing to lies. She saw straight to the heart of the matter, because she knows me so well, she saw an attack even when I didn’t. The enemy is sneaky. I’m crying over a birthday, which didn’t even make sense to me because it’s not that big of a deal, I didn’t understand the feelings or tears, but my friend knows my weaknesses, she knows the lies I fight and she saw where the enemy shot his arrow and scored a direct hit.
I am unlovable.
The enemy was quietly attacking one of the deepest darkest lies that I battle. That I am unlovable. It wasn’t about the birthday or events or lack of events. It was that he was able to creep in and start pulling up those feelings of being unlovable. Look, it’s your 40th and no one is around to celebrate with you. LIES. You’ll be alone on your 40th birthday. LIES. No one wants to be with you. LIES.
So my friend, Vanessa, she sees this and starts speaking truth. She reminded me I am not alone. How loved I am. How far I’ve come, how strong I’ve grown, how much the enemy would like to stop me from sharing.
She opened my eyes to an attach I didn’t even realize was happening.
Once I knew though… Once I realized, then I knew what I had to do. And I prayed and I said my I ams that I am loved and I backed them with truth from God’s word.
I am so loved, God! So loved that you chose me! You’ve numbered the hairs on my head! You created me even before I was born! You dance and sing over me, rejoice over me, protect me, give your angels care over me to protect me. I am so loved! I am so blessed and loved by my family! My parents my daughter, my friends! I am so loved, thank you God! I prayed for God to protect me from the enemy, to surround me with His angels so the arrows of the enemy could no longer penetrate and reach me! And I sit here a different person that I was this morning, crying, broken, and sad.
God is so good, my friends. I ams are powerful. God’s word is SO POWERFUL! And we have work to do! I cannot lay crumbled and crying today! Vanessa and I are sharing more about I ams and God’s truth tonight at 8pm! I hope you can join us – I’ll post the link to my Facebook Page below and would love to see you tonight, July 6th 8pm!
Happy Monday Friends!!