So we went through a few weeks of struggle. No, not struggle, that is not a strong enough word. It was awful, hell-ish. My daughter has always (like since a baby) struggled with belly issues, her whole little young life. During this quarantine and in the past month, it all came to a head in the worst way. The worst pain, the worst we’ve had to deal with. (I’m slightly vague with my daughter’s issues for her privacy.) Here’s a recap of the worst and best of the past three weeks. And I’ll just preface it with – God is good, friends.
May 8th – I took her back to the GI doctor at my wit’s end. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. Nothing is helping her with these struggles. Please. Help. Me.
The visit itself was traumatic and both Rae and I cried and cried. She was sent for some xrays and we were told she needed to do a cleanse and given some ideas of things to try.
May 11th – Attempted the cleanse and it did not work as it should have. Tears and tears and more tears. Defeat. Darkness. What am I going to do? How can I help her? What do I do? – (I said this so much during the past month.)
May 17th – 21st – More stomach and bathroom and GI issues. It’s. so. bad. She’s in pain, can’t eat much, not sleeping right, miserable. As her mama, I’m in agony.
May 21st, Thursday Night 8pm Bible Study – We learned about the power of God to fight for us in heavenly places. Our fight is not on Earth. It’s not against people or places in the here and now. It’s a spiritual battle and it’s got to be fought with God, in prayer, on a spiritual realm.
I went home that night and hit my knees in prayer like never before. Like never before. I called on the blood and power of Jesus to heal my daughter, to heal her body, her mind. To call off any tormenting thoughts or spirits. To surround her with His angels, to protect her, and heal her and provide for her.
I barely slept that night. By 3am, when she was up with stomachaches and in pain, I was CRYING out to God “I NEED this. I need You to do this. I need you to heal her. The bible is full of people crying out to You and You answered THEM! You can answer me! You can do this for me! I need this! I need You to show your love for my daughter!”
May 22nd, Friday morning – Got up, nothing had changed. She still was in pain. She was still hurting. There was no end in sight. I grabbed my phone and went for a walk and called my best friend and I cried. Not little drippy tears. I cried. It was dark, so dark.
Why didn’t God answer my prayer? I called on Him in faith! I cried out to Him! He answers other people, why not me? Why not for my daughter?
My friend was so quiet. She was praying. She was hurting with me like only a best friend can. Then she reminded me that God was good. We don’t always get to understand, but God IS good… and He has a bigger picture that we cannot see. He sees the whole thing, the whole picture, and He knows just what needs to happen and when.
Her words got through. I have seen God work in my life. I have seen and been through dark days before and in the end, been able to step back and see that the bigger picture made sense. In the dark, in the moment, I couldn’t see it – but it was there, being worked out for our good.
So I chose to trust. We prayed together and as I walked back home, I just kept saying I trust You, God. I trust You. I know you have the bigger picture in mind. The bigger picture. I trust You and I will wait for the bigger picture.
Friday afternoon – I got on a teledoc appointment with Rae’s GI doctor and we decided to admit her to the children’s hospital to do a cleanse and some tests. That night was rough – getting the IV in, having an NG tube put through her nose down to her stomach – more tears, more hurt, more sadness. But at least some help from some doctors and nurses. At least some help for the symptoms. But what would happen when we went home? Then what would I do?
May 23rd, Saturday – The Answer
Our GI doctor walked in with a stack of papers. “Your daughter has celiac disease. And I don’t mean a little – her levels are through the roof.”
My daughter has an autoimmune disease that when she eats gluten, her body attacks and destroys her small intestine – causing all kinds of GI problems and pain!
It’s THE answer we didn’t know we were looking for, and had been looking for – for years! It answers all of her stomach issues, belly aches, and pain. It could even explain her anxiety and inability to focus at times.
The sun could not have shone any brighter that day.
God DOES love my daughter. He WAS answering my prayers, my heartfelt cries to Him were heard and answered. But in a much bigger way than I could have imagined!
I was praying for healing in the immediate – God sought to provide healing for life. Celiac is an autoimmune disease for life… but that can be fully reversed by eating strictly gluten free for life. Her body will heal, and is healing, and can remain healthy for the rest of her life, if she stays gluten free.
I was praying that her stomach aches would be alleviated on Friday, God said – No, sweet daughter – I wan’t to alleviate the problem once and for all.
If Rae had immediate relief on Friday, I would not have called her GI doctor, she would not have been admitted to the children’s hospital, they would not have run those tests, and we would not have THE answer that we needed.
God is so good. So amazing.
He works out according to the bigger picture.
He knows better than us what we need. We look around in the pain of the moment and want immediate relief from the heartache, the suffering, the darkness… but God looks at the bigger picture and says I want more for you. I want to give you so. much. more. I’m working out my plan in your life – if you can just hold on, there is a bigger picture at work here. Trust me. I’ve got this.
It’s not easy in the moment, but I have learned this is so true. The bigger picture is worth waiting for. The blessings God has had for me have always out weighed what I was asking for. What God has wanted to give me has always been SO MUCH MORE than what I was even asking.
That blows my mind.
Pray for what you need, and don’t stop. Pray and believe that God has a bigger picture for you and that He is working out His plan for your life, friends.
The bigger picture is so worth it.