My last post was, sadly, 13 days ago. I wrote about how badly I was struggling and I’ve continued to struggle since then. Not just struggle, though. I’ve been trying. Trying hard to work through it, rise above it, fight it.
I’ve tried to eat healthier… only to fail the first day. I mean, that probably wasn’t my best bet for first line of defense since it’s my mountain of struggle even on my best days.
I’ve pushed through each day and done as much as I could get done… and that has it’s benefits, I mean it’s good to get stuff done but it hasn’t helped the elephant on my chest or the feelings of anxiousness or sadness.
I then decided that I needed to improve my habits because “The quality of our lives depends on the quality of our habits.” So I changed my home screen, busted out my habits tracker and listed a whole bunch of habits which are things that I know will make me feel good if I do them.
And…. I still didn’t do them. When you’re struggling hard… when you’re in the midst of anxiety and depression, it’s hard to get yourself to do much of anything… let alone a whole list. You look at the list and feel immediately defeated! Even when you know each and every one of the things is doable and will make you feel good!
So, what’s a girl to do?
My friend Vanessa, at Brave Blessed & Beautiful, found some youtube links to Beth Moore’s talk on anxiety. They were not complete links but partial but they were so good. Beth Moore uses 1 Peter 5:7 a lot…
She uses this verse well. She acts it out. She says imagine yourself literally throwing all your worries and cares and anxieties onto God! THROW them! Put all the responsibilities onto Him! He promises to take them!
God says He will carry our heavy burdens and that our load should be light. He WANTS to be the one to carry the heavy stuff. So we can throw the heavy stuff to Him! He promises to catch it, to carry it, to give us peace.
Beth Moore says we can tell God, Here!! You carry it! It’s your responsibility now! That we can toss it like hot potatoes out of our arms and into His.
She says it takes humility. Humility to cast our anxiety onto him because it is pride that has us holding onto it, to want to be the one in control of everything. That seemed important to me. I do like to be in control. But I’m so tired of anxiety.
My goal is to do this. To live 1 Peter 5:7 and to throw/cast my anxiety onto God and to live in peace.
I’m going to be 100% honest with you, though. Of course, aren’t I always? 🙂
I started yesterday and so far, it feels… well it feels like I’m just going through the motions. It feels like I don’t know if I’m doing it right and I wonder if this is how to do it or if.. well you know, it’s all new and confusing.
But at the same time, it does feel right and it feels like a good place to start and it feels a whole lot better than to keep trying to do everything in my own power because that hasn’t worked in almost 40 years so I guess it’s about time I try something totally different.
In case you’re wondering like Ok, how do I start? Well, I’m just doing what Beth Moore suggested. I am imagining myself THROWING my anxiety at God and yelling HERE!! Please take it! It’s yours! Whatever I’m worrying about, I’m throwing it at God. Casting it at Him. And at the same time, I’m asking Him How to do it. “How do I throw my anxiety at You, God? How do I let you take it? How do I feel your peace? Send me your peace? Fill me with your peace, please!”
Another suggestion from Vanessa was to keep saying “I trust you, God” whenever you feel doubt, worry, sadness, confusion, etc. So I’m doing that, too, as much as I can remember.
And my to-do/habit list? I changed that up. Here’s my new daily habit list.
I want to build a habit of prayer throughout the day. I was thinking… If I have a solid habit of prayer… maybe, maybe? the other things will start to fall into place.
And my homescreen? Well that had to change, too. Well, it didn’t HAVE to, but I like to have reminders of what I’m focusing on, you know?
So.. that’s my new plan. I’m going to pray and throw my anxieties and worries onto God. Whatever and whenever I find myself worrying about something, I’m going to imagine myself throwing it at God saying Here, this is Yours. Please take care of this. And I’m going to do my best to live in the moment, expecting God to take care of the anxieties.
I’m not saying it’s going to be as easy as all that. I imagine I will have to do that again and again and over and over. But I also imagine if I keep at it, it will get easier and easier and that God will step in and start changing me in the process.
I’ll keep you posted.
Happy Sunday, friends.