I may be scattered today. My brain is very scattered and disorganized. I had a night full of bad dreams. Not nightmares… nothing super bad… but unsettling.
They were wakeful dreams where you feel like you’re awake all night even though you must have been sleeping. Dreams of letting people down, dreams of my friends leaving me out, dreams of vacations gone wrong, of cooking for people who walk away when it’s ready, of no one listening to me.
It was basically a night of little pokes at my insecurities.
Why? Just why?
It was the kind of night where you wake up and the yucky feelings just hang over you.
So, I need to fight.
Thankfully, I am to the point in my life where my toolbox has many options and my first instinct is to start pulling things out of it. It has taken me years to get here but the fact that I go straight towards strategies to pull myself out of this funk rather than to sit in it actually makes me pretty proud.
So what have I done, will I do today?
I first prayed. Before I even got out of bed I was praying for the weight to be lifted, to be free from the feelings, to be protected from whatever may have brought on the onslaught of negativity.
I reached for my meditation. Now, I do meditate every morning (for the most part) but still… I know it’s a coping strategy to calm and quiet a restless mind. It was hard this morning, so hard to meditate. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was a total failure… but no meditation is ever a failure. We just learn and grow from it. I had to redirect my thoughts constantly but the great thing about a guided meditation is the person leading it is able to bring you back out of the racing thoughts.
My third tool from my tool box is I ams. When I had trouble keeping my mind settled on my breathing for meditation, I turned to thinking about I ams throughout my meditation. I am strong. I am safe. I am calm. My heart is at peace. I am going to have a great day. I am loved.
I’ll continue my I ams today. In fact, my daughter and I are back to doing I ams in the car every morning. Not sure why I ever let that practice slip.
And lastly, I will reach out to my friends. I haven’t yet because I wanted to blog this morning. But I am so incredibly blessed with my friends. I’ll talk to them. I’ll tell them how my night was, and they will cover me with love and truth and prayers and kindness. Just as I would do for them.
It was an awful night but it will not be an awful day. We have tools and strategies and friends and a strong mind to fight negativity whenever we want, whenever we need to. We do not need to let a bad moment or a bad night turn into a bad day or a bad week.
Reach into your toolbox and pull something out to fight. Don’t have many tools yet? Borrow some of mine! Do a google search for how to get out of a negative mindset or negative mood. It’s possible to turn things around any moment that you decide to.
And lean on your friends. Allow them to be there for you the way you are there for them. Don’t be afraid to share.
You are loved. You are safe. You are a valuable human, worthy of kindness.