An abuser wants control over their victim – as much control as possible. One of the ways they accomplish this is to slowly remove their victim from their families and friends. Another way is through financial power.
…looks like jealousy – “You can’t have friends that are guys. It’s not fair to me as your husband. It’s not right.” (And when you come from a super religious background that has actually taught things like this, you believe it even more. There are so many facets that contribute to abuse…)
…looks like “Your family doesn’t like me. I’d rather we didn’t spend as much time over there.” or “Your friends are rude and boring. We aren’t hanging out with them anymore.”
Isolation is controlling who you see and how much time you get to spend with them… if at all. It’s controlling who you talk to on the phone and where you go. It could be limiting what you read or watch on TV or how often you are online.
The more the abuser can get you away from outside influence, the more power he/she has over you.
Personal experience: “Where have you been? It only takes 30 minutes to get home and it’s been over an hour! You went to the grocery store again? You already went this week! Admit it, you’re having an affair!!! You need to come home right after work or I won’t believe you!”
Economic abuse has to do with controlling the finances. Many times, the abuser is the one that works and has control of the money. When they use that over you – control you by giving you an allowance, making you beg for money, not letting you have access to money… it is abuse and domestic violence.
Even when only one person works, marriage is a partnership and money should never be used as a means of controlling the other person.
An abuser may even try to stop you from getting a job. They don’t want you to have your own money. They need the power over you so they will prevent and or demand that you stay home and never have a job that produces income.
This is another reason that women who find themselves in abusive situations have a hard time leaving. They have nothing. No money, nothing to their name, no job… what will they do? There is always help… but when you are stuck in that situation it is much easier said than done.
In my case, I was the one with the job…. and I still managed to suffer economic abuse. My ex-husband would spend so much money – ran up all the credit cards, and would blow money on anything and everything. He would never keep a job. He only worked a few weeks/maybe months? out of the entire year.
He promised to work. Promised to get a job…. but it never lasted and we kept climbing deeper and deeper in debt. By the time I left him, we had been evicted, lost both cars, and had no money and no jobs. He also stole what little bit of money was left in the bank account.
If you’ve been reading all of my #1thing blogs, then you should be getting a much clearer idea and understanding that domestic violence encompasses so much. So much more than physical violence. It’s a complete wearing down of a person’s mind, body, and soul until they are nothing. There’s nothing left.
Help is available, start here:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Love is Respect – the National Dating Abuse Helpline
Text “loveis” to 22522
Live chat at www.loveisrespect.org